Written by Jarael Madyun | Contributing Writer
I was once asked to give guys advice on how to be successful with women. Now, this really made me chuckle and it brings up the interesting journey of my four romantic years at Buena Vista University (BVU). I responded to this question with the real answer: “Sorry, I can’t help you.”
The reason I can’t help is pretty simple. I don’t have the success that individuals believe I have. It took until my senior year to understand the opposing forces I had been fighting against. The perception of being a player is more detrimental than actually being a player. The individuals who I know are players, no one talks about, and it’s like the secret everyone accepts.
Then there are a few gentlemen on campus who have been labeled players who are not deserving of such a title. Depending on your views, being called a player could be a compliment or it could be considered offensive. I’d say in male relationships, it’s more of a compliment and most guys may take pride in it.
On the other side of the spectrum, most guys don’t like when girls label them as players. I am one of those guys: not because the label of a player is terrible, but because I am not deserving of that title. It’s like receiving an award you didn’t truly earn.
However, I do have advice for guys who have a player title who are not deserving of it. First, check your Facebook, and look at how many different girls are in your profile pictures alone. This can be perceived differently than what you may have meant when doing the original posting. I know, I know: girls always have cameras and want to take pictures, but when other girls see those pictures, that’s not the first thought that comes to their mind.
Secondly, sit down and think about how many girls you interact with on a daily basis. Whether it’s texting or when you walk in the halls, all of those ‘Hey’s and ‘Hi’s’ contribute to this player image which you may not actually want.
Lastly, your friends’ reputations will be placed on you as well. Therefore, open up your friends list so you won’t be associated with negative stereotypes.
Personally, when it is all said and done, none of that stuff matters. If you are not a player and a girl keeps telling you that, then she is not the one for you. It’s simple: she has built some type of excuse to not be with you and it’s worked. The woman who doesn’t care what she may have heard and who would like to get to know you will be the true winner of your time and heart in the end.
From my experience, there are a lot of nice guys on this campus, and sadly, until some of them leave their true worth and value, they will never be appreciated. On a brighter note, keep smiling, my “players”, because in the end it will all work out.